Codependent enabler parent reddit. Have no idea how to interact with parents going forward.

Codependent enabler parent reddit This is a support group for people raised by abusive parents (with… My mom has npd and father is/was a codependent enabler. And I really had to grapple with my codependent traits. Should your post include possible psychological or emotional triggers, please detail as such in the post title. How do the enabler parents believe the insanity that they spew? [Support] I could tell my enabler dad that my mom stabbed me in the chest with a knife and approach him with the knife still in my chest and he would find a way to excuse it. They didn’t. Every loving parent would feed their child, but even a well-fed child can still lack magnesium. Enabling parents don't also want to admit their spouse is bad or wrong so sweep it under the rug. My previous normal was a fawn codependent mask of externally being friendly with them. ), therapy resources, and finding community with others who feel they have lost This is a safe space for sharing experiences with scapegoating, C-PTSD, narcissism, gaslighting, manipulation, abandonment, toxic family dynamics, and related topics in a non-judgmental environment. Despite my parents' divorce over twenty years ago, she still thinks that if she and my dad could work out their rough patch, he wouldn't have left her. Sometimes they will end up taking on some narcissistic traits Have no idea how to interact with parents going forward. Ever since she got into this relationship it’s like the way she behaves is triggering me because it reminds me of how she acted during my childhood and I’m not sure if I can take it anymore. A codependent in recovery learns to identify and focus on their own motivations and behaviour and not that of others. My mom is the enabler/ co-dependent one. 898K subscribers in the raisedbynarcissists community. And my dad is an enabler. Not easy for a codependent, but absolutely necessary. I am taking care of myself! I’m looking for a therapist and coaching and I go on daily walks. Enabler parent Reply reply Jehosheba • Eparent is the enabler. However, if you change, it can help you both to change. The enabling parent could have left. im guessing he has anxiety/depression or doesnt talk to many people. And a younger sibling losing a brother, although he doesn’t seem too bothered and quite enjoys having attention to himself (for the first time in his life). Meanwhile, I was living on couches and getting drunk on weekends - no one was paying attention. My mother is the narcissist, and my father is her codependent enabler. I recommend going no contact if engagement proves to be too emotionally difficult. Using there is at least one codependent parent, and a cluster B parent where q child was conditioned to believe they had to earn love by "loving unconditionally" -such BS. Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship pattern. This pattern can persist into adulthood, making it difficult for individuals to assert their own needs, set boundaries, and prioritize self-care. That is their only job. Significant others and friends are all welcome. I think only weak people with shitty parents become dependent on others. The enabler can have favorites, if only to convince themselves that they aren’t a failure as a parent. My dad was the enabler, but my abusive mom has either excessive learned helplessness or she learned early on how to manipulate situations to her control. My suggestion is to move as soon as you can. They don't recognize this as problematic. Codependent enabler and I were very, very close for a long time until I started working ACA and recognizing we had a lot of enmeshed and codependent behaviors. That is enabling the abuse and is as sick as a narcissist is. My dad died a long time ago, but my mother just 6 years ago, just before I got divorced. When I see signs of a enabler, codependent, etc some criminal instincts grow in me, what a profound disgusting people, grrr grrr Reply reply cancerrising77 Is it enabling or is it codependency? Sounds a lot like my parents and my mother is pathetically codependent. She's not a mama bear, she's a scared little mouse. There was no time for my challenges. Posted by u/Puzzled_n_confused - 72 votes and 48 comments both of my parents are narcs, one is also an enabler and keeps blaming me for shutting them out because they always guilt trip every time i convey my feelings. She will react (yup, react bc they are never proactive with anything) in VERY unhealthy ways. You must protect it. Grew up with a father that could very well be considered one (mother being enabler), with psychopathic traits and an overall extreme emotional abuser. My father was the enabler parent - I actually thought he was a saint for years for putting up with my mother - but turned out years later that a lot of the things that happened had been his idea in the first place! Shocking!! My mom did this. I recently wrote "Codependency for Dummies" which in describes your dynamic in depth and contains a self-help healing plan. Narc father, enabler mom. My dad wasn't an alcoholic but physically abusive (both grandfathers were alcoholic). It’s a whole other aspect of having a narcissist parent that is equally painful and difficult to navigate. I’m basically to the point where my enabler/codependent mom makes me feel even crazier than my ndad. I feel like that's worse than being a narc. If my mom is not a narc, then she is certainly an enabling parent. 517K subscribers in the stopdrinking community. This is a constructive, supportive space to find healing from your abusive parent and dysfunctional home. My dad has it. Screaming. Was the one I lived under. The first step to healing or recovery from anything - whether it be alcoholism, codependency, or other fundamental issue - is recognizing that a problem exists. Making changes in life - any change - always starts with awareness. The enabling parent had the opportunity to put a stop to the abuse. I feel ashamed for have let myself be the codependent one. I didn't get a card like I… Probably many enablers make the mistake of thinking the relationship is fundamentally normal and healthy rather than toxic. BPD alcoholic and I are NC. Losing a child due to no fault of own. I've always been codependent since a young age. Hello, I am a DONM - Daughter of Narcissitic Mother. her description of it made 33 votes, 20 comments. The BPD abuser excuses their own behavior at your expense but so does the other enabling parent. My dad was an enabler and made my life hard in different ways to how nmum did. Codependency, in very basic terms, means making your value and your happiness dependent on another person, usually a romantic partner, occasionally a child or parent, but always someone that you have a close relationship with. It was only when I got the distance away from them that I realized not only how codependent they are— but how that trickled down to me. Imagine a narcissist abusing their children and their spouse, as a codependent - enabler, doing nothing to help the children, telling them that they should be patient with their parent, etc. The abuser will make others feel they are too much, too little, mentally unwell, etc so they are more likely to stay in the "only place that will accept them," do their bidding, and even become flying monkeys (used as a tool in social abuse). In fact, the codependent may well contribute criticism and abuse of their own in an effort to protect and defend the narcissist. 5 years ago and I went no contact. If it’s vice versa, the narc can be worse. Often times the enabler will break up with one N person only to fall for another because they haven't fixed the underlying issues that made them accept the N partner to begin with. Fights with him, basically the "good cop" to me though because she will agree with him just saying it more softly. If you peruse this sub, you will find that a decent percentage of Enabling parents may be covert Narcs A relationship with a BPD parent who's not committed to improving involves partners meeting age inappropriate needs. My mom is a codependent enabler of my narc father and I’m wondering how people are taking this dynamic. Won't even protect their kids and seem generally more 'submissive'. They said I could come over on either or both days, and I made sure to ask if my Nbrother (39m) was going to be there. They’re separated but he still pays for her health insurance as he still is codependent to her in ways (he wants the praise, which she will dramatically give to him to manipulate him as he’s very isolated and lonely). In my experience, no, they do not change, or, if they do, it takes something extreme. They never ask her to cook dinner do any chores my sister only ever does something if it benefits her and they never discipline us. After the incident I’ve flipped to being cold and standoffish. I feel devastated though… This is why codependent parents don’t/can’t leave narcs… Notice here that the enabling parent's willful decisions and behaviors over the years are not scrutinized at all, let alone is a spade called a spade. I'd be interested in a specific group for parent-child codependency Posted by u/americaninparis1976 - 40 votes and 8 comments -predatory gaze. Usually the enabler is codependent. Not even close. I’ve come to terms with the fact that she’s never going to change, never going to get help and I have to draw the boundaries for me and my family. Posted by u/[Deleted Account] - 6 votes and 4 comments Not the enabler parent but I have an enabler sister who does this with my mum. The book Co-dependent no more does a good job of explaining it. Likewise, borderlines often have strong codependent traits (including an attraction to other narcissists), but borderlines are narcissists, as defined by the I also believe a lot of codependent behavior comes out in response to abuse from another - but this is where personal responsibility kicks in and we have to own our behavior. 5 year old daughter together. Enabling is not love. My worst years were my teens when she was the codependent enabler of my Dad's drug addictions and alcoholism. I have not spoken to him in over a year. She's sort of nicer but such an enabler. The dynamics you described mirrors my parents, just switch the gender/parent role. With my last therapist, half the time when we'd talk about something, I'd point out while we were talking when I was enabling my wife. My ndad passed away nearly 10 years ago and my enabling/codependent mom didn’t start dating until about 2 years ago. Dec 11, 2020 · An example of a codependent relationship between an addict and a family member could be a parent who allows an alcoholic son or daughter to live at home without responsibility and is consequence-free. what parent wouldn’t try to find their 18yo when they secretly leave the home? if they didn’t, that would be abusive and not giving a shit. 76 votes, 20 comments. Like bob dylan said: jesus christ was betrayed by a kiss. Now I've stopped giving as many shits nowadays. Dante says the worst place in hell is reserved to those who betrayed their loved ones. a huge part of narcissism). He’s 30 years old and has been living with his parents his whole life, aside from the time he was sober (for 1 year) he lived at sober living, then moved in with me for 5 months. My parents are so so soft towards both of us tbh. They don’t care if their children are hurt or abused because they only respond to the needs of the narcissist parent. I'm not talking about the healthy parent, but about the codependent, enabling parent who you thought you could turn to as a child, but actually never protected you from harm. I never thought about it, but it’s a thing. Tons of projection. I’m surprised that there’s not more discussion about the enabler parent (if there is one) in this sub. And I wish her much joy of it. Every codependent has some rage underneath that facade. A codependent person is a people pleaser always putting others before themselves, usually highly empathetic. I’m diagnosed with anxiety and severe depression “on paper”. A survivor sub exclusively for children raised by a toxic parent or guardian with borderline personality disorder/emotionally unstable personality disorder. Terrible emotional separation. I think it was codependent no more, some book I read, that said most codependency starts when a child of a narcissistic parent has to learn to cope with their parent(s) and assumes this is normal. We're all at different points in our healing, please come with open ears and open hearts. If they left the BPD parent, on some level they probably feel guilty and want to ensure she's "looked after". After some intense journaling I started researching controlling behavior, which eventually led me to codependency. The enabling parent knew what was happening. I remember being told to apologize when it was my nmother who insisted on checking my face for acne immediately after I set a boundary and said I was tired. The enabler also begins to see the kids the same way that the abuser does; as tools to be used for emotional whims. But the codependent enabler, when told that their behavior while apart from the narcissist is unacceptable, might after a few times self-reflect and find a way to keep their enabling behavior around the narcissist but display more empathetic behavior elsewhere. I'm sorry that they put you through this. And you are right to feel uneasy about it. See full list on healthline. Welcome to r/codependency! We're a community of redditors who've become aware of/are wondering if they are developing signs of codependency. the abuse i saw was parents insisting she go to school and not play discord at 2am… my opinion of abuse is not this. Nov 14, 2022 · 5 Ways to Break Your Codependent Relationship With Your Parent. It was shortly after this, in the course of an argument over email, that I finally just silently snapped. I also pity my father, because even though he is a narc, he has great financial problems, a career filled with constant instability, and his own mother’s rejection and sibling rivalry alienating him from his own immediate family. Posted by u/starskyyy - 1 vote and no comments Even if the enabler parent is supportive of their children and seems like a loving parent, they are still harming their children by choosing not to act and remove their children from a toxic environment. i don’t have the whole picture and maybe OP is abused. I used to feel like an anomaly at meetings because everyone was there for love relationship codependency. But she really does love getting all the saint/martyr/golden child points. You are codependent because you’re enabling someone who is unhealthily dependent on addictive stimuli. Enabling parents I’ve been with my bf for 6 years and we have a 3. Yep. Like your parents should have been. Absolutely. 942K subscribers in the raisedbynarcissists community. When I look in his eyes I see a deep sense of hostility and cruelty. True codependency means there’s dependence on both sides of the relationship. And that is the primary dynamic in a relationship between an enabling codependent and their children/surroundings. In my opinion the enabler parent is just as culpable as the abusive one. Nov 12, 2023 · When I discuss codependency with clients, I prefer to liken it to the behaviors that survivors of relational trauma often had to develop in order to navigate, or even survive their situation The absolute tragedy of Asian Parent Enabling & Codependency: starting today my 40 year old cousin is forced to get his FIRST job in his entire life upvotes · comments r/AsianParentStories As my codependent mother get older she get much worst. And I am the parentified child. This is so enlightening! If you think about it, both parents have cultivated an environment that support those circumstances. 33F here. The combination of these two types creates US--> The Codependent. But as I been going to therapy, I have been more and more aware of the ways that my mom just pretends like everything is fine and caters to his every whim. I'd love to hear your story, cut off or limited contact, or current relationship with your Enabler parent. They want peace for their own sakes alone. Both of them assaulted me 2. I find the enabling parent is just as bad because they usually just go along with the narc parent to keep the peace. His hobby is taking care of his slave driving wife. I used to play their parent and caretaker role Posted by u/[Deleted Account] - 11 votes and 3 comments Codependency can sometimes look like narcissism. Hi all, Quick synops: Two parents, 1 codependent enabler, other is BPD alcoholic. true But I think I get your point, there's something that feels unnatural when a parent doesn't take care of their offspring. If the non-narcissistic parent is a severe codependent/enabler then they're not going to protect the children, who will be left to believe all the insane criticism. In my case, my parents modeled this behavior, with my mother being a narcissist and my father being a codependent enabler. They are draining her dry. That kind of behaviour is equally as damaging, as if they were the main abuser. Currently I'm not speaking to my covert nmom after an argument we had a couple weeks ago. My dad. They have a responsibility to keep their children safe yet they fail for whatever reason whether it’s financial, spiritual, being the SAHP, or because they’re plain lazy and it’s easier for them to just sit in the abuse and let their kids be abused because they don’t want to face it. The nuances that come from the enabler seem “nice and kind” from the outside but knowing what that kind of behavior leads to in it’s entirety is extremely repulsive to me. Jan 23, 2024 · In a codependent dynamic, children often learn to prioritize the needs and emotions of the parent over their own. Posted by u/thelaramin - 13 votes and 6 comments Complete blurry lines between them and others. My Nmom sought out my eDad for this reason: he's her literal slave and has no time/hobbies for himself. We've been having a much more turbulent relationship since moving in together and I think it's led me to completely assume the role of enabler / caregiver. my parents were the same, i graduated at 24 but didnt get a job until age 26. My mother was his codependent enabler. Haha they are usually very inteligent charming charismatic and attractive. Me, I'm the scapegoat child while my brother is the golden child. But this has left me in a predicament of know having this extremely codependent relationship to my mother, I have been no contact with my father for almost 3 years and while that’s been amazing, I have realised I have this codependency for most of my life, but now more as I only have one parent. Reparenting seeks to give you agency and skills to be there for yourself always. How do you feel… in my personal experience, narcissism can be part of codependency (when your success or failure depends on another persons behaviour, you can’t take responsibility for your own shortcomings, and so it’s always someone else’s fault. I realized that i was trained to be the Codependent need meeter of BOTH of my parents --the Narc and the Enabler Narc. Then my mom. How do you cope with your parent’s codependency? Hi all, sorry, it’s going to be a long one. My dad is the enabler. Something has been on my mind lately regarding my parents and I was just wondering if anyone else has dealt with something similar or if anyone has any words of advice. My dad and I get along great now, and he’s married to a lovely woman who totally gets the dynamic I had. You both may need some counseling. Parents' #1 duty above all else is to protect their children, even if it's the other parent that they need protecting from. My brain would literally terrorize me day in and day out. My partner may be also a bit of a narcissist. I want to process that. Being able to remove yourself from a situation in which you feel overwhelmed requires setting boundaries and assertive communication. I can really trace alot of my codependent habits back to the way I grew up. How do I heal or recover or become independent when codependency is all I've ever known? I will say my codependent traits have gotten alot worse as my mental health has decayed the past couple of years. You need to be protective with your peace!! With a codependent mother and narcissistic father, peace is a luxury. 25 votes, 16 comments. I'm blessed to have a wonderful husband who even through our struggles we talk things out and he realizes the pain I've gone through with my family and supports my recovery. After she died his true character really came out. There are a lot more codependents than cluster B PDs, and enabling of cluster Bs is how we now are seeing a rise in CPTSD and cluster B disorders in society, and in both men and women. Authoritarian father and codependent mother sounds like about the most common pattern out there. This is a support group for people raised by abusive parents (with toxic, self-absorbed or abusive personality traits, which may be exhibited by those who suffer from cluster B personality disorders). The enabling parent isn't good, either, but I can relate because my dad's the enabler, and he worsens the situation by butting in and screaming at me for standing up for myself instead of "turning the other cheek" (because either option is a lose-lose either way with how my AM is). This is a support group for people raised by abusive parents (with toxic, self-absorbed or… Welcome to r/codependency! We're a community of redditors who've become aware of/are wondering if they are developing signs of codependency. I didn’t go into a ton of detail about my parents- my mom is a textbook narcissist who has done serious damage to my mental health and my step dad is a codependent enabler who never stepped in for me. Joins in on the bullying and my mum has convinced my sister she can do no wrong and say no wrong because her grades are extremely good whereas it’s free for all in terms of what can be said about or to me because my grades whilst good aren’t insanely good. I was taught that “codependence” is when your partner or other significant person (doesn’t have to be romantic/sexual, could be a parent or adolescent) has a harmful addiction — like alcoholism — and you are enabling that addiction. I was probably more mad at my mom as the codependent enabler, than my dad the abuser, because as an adult and parent she should have advocated for us kids. This is a support group for people raised by abusive parents (with toxic, self-absorbed or abusive personality traits, which may be exhibited by those who suffer from cluster B personality disorders). I've had it. The phrases "Keep the peace" and "just do what he says" tell a child "you don't matter- only my spouse does. I think I am the enabler in my codependent relationship. The enabler parent plays peace maker but the intention is purely selfish. In my case it was my mum and I'm still having a hard time to really grasp how she neglected me, because most of the time she was quite caring and approachable. And the enabler keeps telling me they are "easy to talk to" when every time i talk about how i feel they tell me how i feel and talk at me Posted by u/enlaluzdelsol - 1 vote and 4 comments A lot of my anger day to day though comes from my parents enabling her. and in my experience codependents always date other codependents. This dynamic is not easy to navigate. Posted by u/dgk314 - 4 votes and 12 comments With codependency you were conditioned to abuse as children, especially emotional abuse and neglect on some level at best. I felt like I had an epiphany while scrolling through Reddit posts seeking advice for how I felt and then stumbling upon codependency, because I think that's exactly what this is. As I excelled in school, she was praised for how well I was - how proud she must be. Mar 29, 2016 · Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship pattern. As an adult, I have certainly made mistakes with the children in my life (no spawn of my own but other close roles). She denies that she was aware of the abuse and keeps saying she doesn't understand why us three adult kids all have, "wrong memories" of our abusive dad. Gosh, that's horrible. The worst fears coming true. None of these people seem to acknowledge or accept that. For years, I was only angry about the way Nfather acted. They tend to feel like it is their personal mission in life to save/fix/p Enabler parents let you act as a meat shield so they don't have to deal with being the target of abuse (as much). Yup. No. Change is possible. Anyway I notice when I speak to my Dad the enabler, I will have a high pitched voice as he’s dominated me so much in the past. I think it might actually be helpful for you to examine your own beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors through the lens of codependency. What makes sense to me anecdotally is that when I was a kid, I didn't have to have maturity or life experience to understand that a parent shouldn't be slapping their kids around or calling them names. My older brother also abused me horrifically. But in recent years it's become a term used to shame someone who "cares too much" about a dysfuctional person. Today's edad's birthday. Thanks. r/CoDependentsAnonymous: For topics related to 12 Step program Co-Dependents Anonymous aka CoDA As for the enabler, I don't think there is any 'cons' for them, it is all good having a desperate person willing to put up with you. Narcissists are dependent on others for narcissistic supply, so they are "codependent" in a very limited sense of the word. It was for me. I’m codependent, and to put it lightly, it isn’t serving me. It was scary. Not murderers and criminals, but betrayers of loyalty. Huge fight between parents. Enabler parent [Support] My dad is a hardcore enabler, who was raised by another narcissist mother before marrying my narcissist mother and having my narcissist 14 votes, 18 comments. Usually the scapegoated child, because the golden child is more likely to become a narcissist themselves. Neither of my parents have any emotional bandwidth for me. Co-dependency was originally coined to refer to the relationship between an alcoholic (like you mentioned) and their enabler. Most people talk about nmoms on here for Mother’s Day but the dynamic with enablers is a little different. Codependents' dysfunctions involve a whole lot 'needing' to be a savior/fixer/protector to more outwardly dysfunctional people, such as Borderlines or Narcissists. They’ll blame the kids for the parents’ circumstances, and do all of the stuff that the abuser does, but passively. If the narc is an extended family member, friend, or step-parent, and the enabler is a parent , caretaker or sibling, the enabler can be worse. I’d love to hear your advice, and meet some other people who have had similar issues. I remember when I was about 16, I was in bed and I could hear my uBPD step-mother harassing my sister. Despite being raised by a codependent parent, there are ways to can start to reclaim your sense of self, identity, and become independent. People on Reddit talk about the narcissist gaze. " Once I really let it sink in that he was just as bad, I felt even more betrayed than I did by my mom (who wasn't that best initially anyway but who became a whole different person when I was a teen) because he was supposed to protect me. Both my parent are narcissistic and have turned my older sister into their enabling parent. Even in the therapeutic setting, the focus is shifted away from the enabler and onto the overtly abusive parent, which is what the enabler has been counting on your whole damned life. . When my parents were together, it was nMom And eDad. Anyone here struggle with enabler parent guilt when they’re still codependent and with the narcissistic parent? I have an enabler mother and… Yeah. Nov 30, 2019 · Enablers have difficulty with setting boundaries and co-dependent people are quite good at blurring and crossing boundaries when it serves them. When it's an enabler parent doing it - expecting their kids to put up with an abusive person to keep the peace, that's where it's just an extension of the abuse. When you're raised by a narcissist, they commingle love and abuse such that you associate the two, and that becomes what you view as a normal relationship. Check out our Helpful Links for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. It’s not a diagnosis. Codependency is a learned pattern of behavior that we repeat because that's how we saw our parents or caregivers navigating their relationships. 908K subscribers in the raisedbynarcissists community. com Dec 4, 2012 · It's very difficult to change established patterns - especially if she resists. The eyes are a window to the soul. Narcissists relationships with others are always codependent in nature because of the need for attention or supply. Since the trip ended (2 weeks ago) my parents have been basically ignoring me besides money and school related topics. Even now that my dad is sober, she’s unable to make any decisions without someone else. I kinda got the feeling that maybe some things were amiss when I realized how excited I was getting about having a WHOLE weekend by myself. None of this your fault. Enablers are usually Codependents, such as a case of a Codependent spouse (for example) to a Cluster B (such as a Narcissist) spouse. Enabler parents are still parents who were supposed to protect you, not throw you out to fend for yourself with an abuser. Hi everyone! I've been pretty active on this sub lately and I have found the supportive atmosphere here very helpful/therapeutic. The enabler fails in that duty and deserves our anger too. Please share your stories, your questions, your histories, your fears and your triumphs. I can identify with this. I recall reading that codependency and narcissism are two sides of the same coin. " I'm pretty sure she would probably come completely apart if I left (classic sign of codependency, I know). Well, this year I had… Welcome to r/codependency! We're a community of redditors who've become aware of/are wondering if they are developing signs of codependency. With both my dad and brother's abuse, my mom stood by and watched. It's so frustrating. The needy behavior is reinforced because the codependent person receives attention and nurturing when they exhibit the unhealthy behaviors, thereby further incentivizing the co-dependent patterns. And my dad gets furious if she ever dares speak back. I like to consider emotional neglect as not getting enough micronutrients (magnesium, for example). -forgot to buy everyone Christmas gifts a few years ago. My mother directly told me, after we visited my parents together, that she could see I am codependent and that I have an addictive personality just like my father did. Yes, on some level they are a victim too, but the difference is that they are an adult. Even the best meaning parents still have to walk the thin line between "being too soft" and "being too hard" on their children. I too was a child of codependent addicts/enablers. This is a support group for people raised by abusive parents (with toxic, self-absorbed or… I remember reading in a book a few years back in an attempt to understand my parent's dynamic, that the co-dependent (enabler), becomes co-narcissistic themselves to survive. We often overlook these parents. Fwiw, I’m in the middle of a backslide and using codependent behaviors again to try and manipulate/control my husband (whos 53 and had an emotional affair with a 20 yo). No physical abuse. In my childhood, w think my mom enabled my dad’s abusive tendencies because she believes women should submit to their husbands (they are fundamentalist Christians). This is a support group for people raised by abusive parents (with toxic, self-absorbed or… I understand. And make me feel guilty for feeling how i feel. narcissistic 911K subscribers in the raisedbynarcissists community. 26 votes, 18 comments. I might come off as an ass here, but I see the enabling parent as every bit as culpable as the abusive narcissist. No Contact, Enabler Parents Crossed the Line, and Advice Welcome I am a 35m, and over the weekend, my parents invited me over for dinner. This subreddit is a place to motivate each other to control or stop drinking… I would check out r/narcissisticparents NOT b/c I think you have an n-parent (genuinely), but because it's the only sub I can think of off-hand where you might find community/connection/resources for things like establishing boundaries (low contact, no contact etc. I believe codependent patterns in a relationship involves both partners, the patterns will just present in different ways and at different intensities, depending on the individual. true So we're sharing stories about/advice for non-BPD parents? My enabler mom is very codependent and possibly avoidant. My codependent mother needs to know I’m in her life so that she’s less depressive than normal. It’s really so complex, but I feel like enablers have the responsibility to be a part of the solution, not the problem. Wherever there's a narcissist there's often an enabler, and we offspring of narc parents often end up having to deal with problems arising from the enabler's behaviour. some parents just dont want their kids to leave the house for There's really no such thing as codependency - only functional dependency and dysfunctional dependency. There's usually an abuser and an enabler in regards to codependency. Whether the enabling stems from fear or complacency, the enabler parent needs to come to the conclusion/acknowledge the problem themselves; I'm not saying it's impossible, but that you can't help someone who either doesn't see the problem, doesn't care, or is blinded or held back by something else Welcome to r/codependency! We're a community of redditors who've become aware of/are wondering if they are developing signs of codependency. people dont just turn 40 and decide to find work, his parents probably encouraged that interdependence so that they have someone to talk. For the same reason I'd never consider intentionally ending my life. The narcissist is actually really codependent because they haven't clearly defined where their emotions stop and others start, so that means they remain dependent on others, who in their controlling and cynical way of life becomes what is often termed 'supply'. There is a difference between being in a codependent relationship versus being a codependent. My dad is the enabler, but growing up he was "the fun parent. It's not possible to be both a codependent and a narcissist. People who identify as codependent usually play the role of “rescuer” in a relationship with someone who is impaired or ill in Welcome to r/codependency! We're a community of redditors who've become aware of/are wondering if they are developing signs of codependency. I've never met a codependent who didn't have CPTSD and at least one emotionally abusive and neglectful parent. Become aware. I'll calmly but directly disagree and talk back with him. hniurcy vfddr tsnz jgmecnb pbxq bnbjse sfyq jyrg qfjdc rogr