Limerence destroy marriage reddit Rule of thumb is waiting out four seasons. Let them come home to all their stuff in the driveway. Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by… It’s understandable that while i felt so uncomfortable and tense at home in a marriage falling apart, i fell into limerence with an old friend who represents my youth, more carefree and adventurous times, and a time when i loved myself more and was optimistic about my future. She asked about LO and I started telling her all about limerence and asked her to read up on it. When seeking closure I have gotten none and im spiralling more. I would say that marriage isn’t 50/50 it has to be 100/100. I heard someone say once that if you want to achieve great things, you have to be prepared to destroy the old you first. Oct 1, 2020 · I believe my wife is in limerence with someone. I am not saying monogamy is everything; after more than a decade of chasing monogamy and never getting it i now dream about my LO and their partner being polyamourous. He was an online predator who preyed on vulnerable middle-aged married women (he freely admitted this to her). 8 years past DDay with a case of limerence that's pretty amazing. We’re now 30 & 29. Yeah you should make a program and way to help educate people through the process and pain of limerence. we built a fabulous relationship and married four years ago. Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by… Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. I'm actively putting effort into getting over my LO nowadays. Limerence is a new concept and still not well established. But it’s over. Never said there is one way to reconcile. The original definition of limerence in the book "love and limerence" and how the term is used by family therapist is quite difference. Let them be served divorce papers and have to hire lawyers and comply with the divorce proceedings. It can be hard sometimes to differenciate love from limerence because our culture mixed the two and made limerence more attractive. I recently confronted her and she’s confessed to a crush, but after posting on r/relationships I’ve deduced this is limerence, and a lot more serious than i initially thought. Both people have to put in the work to make a marriage last. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their As many others on this subreddit I have been in various limerent episodes throughout my life, the most recent one starting a few weeks ago (I… As someone who’s been in limerence for several years, which was definitely sparked by an unhappy marriage, I would suggest you take a step back, and maybe some space from your LO, to honestly evaluate your marriage. Put him in poetry or songs. " I didn't know what to say. Reply [deleted] • Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. How can she break this spell? Everyone that has had a traumatic physical injury wants the injury life back. That’s great if your LO is available, then you can get out of the marriage if you can; it’s probably better that way than continue this. . People here are right, you bet you had those feelings of 'chemistry' (hormones for the unavailable, desirable, mysterious, unknown out there) BUT it is not LOVE - love is a verb, a continuous action - not a feeling that is This is infamously when they eventually return showing remorse and wanting to make amends. Even though I'm very thoughtful and generous with friends. Serial Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. He took it a step further once and said, "In fact, if I were straight, I would've broken up your marriage by now and married you. The hope for mutual feelings leads to a rollercoaster of emotions. Limerence is emotional unfaithfulness, but it sounds better called limerence. As others have mentioned, limerence is primarily a result of not having secure primary attachment figures in childhood - it's usually a consequnece of, and hand in hand with a lack of self-esteem, a strong sense of self, and the ability to set healthy boundaries for ourselves. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their Impressed you even know the term Limerence - your wife is in a Limerent episode for a 'Limerent Object' - this online 'friend' - an opportunist, prepared to be involved with a break up of an 18 year marriage. Limerence does not actually seem to occur with serial cheaters usually. Aug 6, 2022 · One of the few positives that can be salvaged from the experience of limerence in marriage is the end of complacency, and the opportunity to start being more purposeful in your approach to the union. The issue is, without limerence, I'm not even capable of truly treasuring someone I'm with. And the book was exploring how people feel love in different ways. he has nothing to lose - doesn't care about you and I doubt he cares for your wife - never mind loves her. I'm 24 y. Discovering the term 'limerence' was a bit of a relief because it showed me there is a real name for this turmoil. Let them only have contact with their children on their designated custody days. Limerence can lead to affairs but it can also exists independent of the limerent object reciprocating the feelings. Love, for me, is It took me three years to finally understand that is was limerence and how devastatingly potent limerence is. My wife wants to get over it and save our marriage, but avoiding this other family is going to be near impossible. I've been going through limerence for 6 months. I'm in therapy now to work on myself and the things that my wife was missing. It cannot be the same. Do you think my limerence is causing me to subconsciously nitpick my husbands issues, and destroy a perfectly fine marriage (all because I’m obsessing over a crush/LO)? Or, do you think my sudden limerence is a sign that I’m unhappy & shouldn’t be married to my spouse anymore? My most recent and strongest LO was driven by lust and how shocking it was the effortless conversation. What you had was special, but leave it in the past. You don’t see it as a problem and certainly don’t want a marriage to end over just limerence itself specifically. the limerence finally ended only when my LO moved overseas. All I have to say is that limerence is a destructive frame of mind and you need to do whatever it takes to destroy it. My husband is very head in the sand regarding our martial issues namely communication, which only intensifies my draw towards LO. You two are a wealth of knowledge and experience. A fan based subreddit for Ark: Survival Evolved players on the Playstation 4 & Playstation 5. So that finally broke the limerence for them, once I realized how shitty and malicious they were being and then projecting all their own garbage onto me. We started couples therapy where we could talk about the limerence in a healthy way. I lost a marriage of 10 years because of limerence ( I didn’t even know this was a thing). Don’t try to contact him. Posted by u/lifeisgood1254 - 3 votes and 1 comment Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. At first she tried to blame this all on me about her being unhappy and other small things in our marriage until I found out about this new guy she’s emotionally Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a… 44K subscribers in the limerence community. in the years that followed, i healed, got stronger, met a wonderful man. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. What your wife did was like losing a limb. And Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. Build a safe and rewarding life for you and your children. I feel for you, but I understand your wife. The issue with limerence in a married relationship is that it will make your spouse feel as if this limerent object (LO) will be their only solution for happiness. I always come back to the same conundrum. Feel like I missed out on something because I was too cowardly to ask. It was real and beautiful. Limerence makes it almost impossible to concentrate on anything other than how much you want them. No, it is widely documented that limerence does not destroy love. It is natural to want a safe and functional life. limerence trashes it, it makes communicating very difficult, it leads to obsession, blame, false expectations, then more blame, then entitlement, then creepiness. He has told me many times that if he weren't gay, he would marry me. Commitment is a choice you make and marriage takes work. If I could feel more passionate toward my husband and we could have better conversation, I may not even fall into limerence anymore. Another person dominates your mind so completely that you feel like you are addicted to them. It's made me have to revise how I approach LOs. It’s probably not even about this new coworker as much as it’s about her unconsciously looking for novelty and connection after a period of feeling disconnected from you, which is bound to happen during times of stress like Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. Write a love story and try to get it published. Unsurprisingly, I've written about this scenario many times in the past, but it is still the commonest problem raised in my email inbox by some margin. I had a particularly gross "relationship" for many years during my mid-20s that really fucked me up. Heidi Priebe and Personal Development School have some really good videos on limerence. We started as young friends who loved each others company… Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. From there you have to communicate. My SO and I were each other’s first, we met at 17&16 years old. 13 votes, 34 comments. I have to read mixed signals as "No" because otherwise I get caught by fuckers like this and waste a ton of my time and destroy my mental health. My only advice is to stay alive. Really, the main meaning that limerence has on your marriage will come after it’s happened – from how your choices affect your future together. Your marriage is forever damaged. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their Married 10+ years with multiple young kids. I do however trust him to honour our marriage and choose to be committed. And we tend to glamorize the past. Instead of a good relationship starting a thread at a time, like two people building a rope - thread by thread, sharing and becoming stronger. We’ve been together 11 years and married 5. Turns out my marriage sucked and I needed to spend some time alone rediscovering my true self. I pretty much confessed how I feel recently though. I've definitely experienced it! Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. It was not physical, but my husband accused me of cheating emotionally. You swing from incredible highs to exhausting lows and desperate craving. He is most likely married and could be nothing as you remember him. I don't have the best self worth anyway (hence falling in love with people at first sight) But the subsequent rejection… Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. At least that’s my opinion. Plus if you're emotionally damaged, you will feel dependant on others on an inappropriate level; you'll get obsessed, possessive, scared, downright anxious; like loosing 1 human is going to destroy your life. I feel no urge to hug/kiss this guy in the street, no urge to pick a special bday present for him, no urge to even SEE much of him. I need this in my marriage. Don’t destroy your life with a memory. She met someone at the gym about 3 months ago (never met him before in her life). Limerence is when a crush has taken over your life. We had a great marriage of nearly 30 years. The challenge is that real love outlasts limerence many times over, so the relationship needs to be on strong enough foundations to sustain itself when it is no longer fuelled by obsession. 35K subscribers in the limerence community. It lasted 6-8 months until I couldn’t take the guilt any longer and came clean to my wife. In light of recent changes to the Reddit API, this subreddit will be inaccessible for a few dats as part of the Reddit wide protest. Each interaction, whether positive or negative, can drastically swing one’s emotional state, underlining the precarious nature of unrequited love limerence. Understanding who you’re marrying before you’re married to them. In my experience, limerence arises in a marriage when you’re not feeling as close to your partner as you used to. In my wife's case, she said pretty directly that she was "done, done" with me, which is quite different from your situation. I have been limerent/had limerent tendencies for as long as I can remember. My wife has been missing things in our marriage, and that caused stress, which then I think triggered limerence. 6. I spent many nights alone, drunk, crying, looking at the ceiling beams/ropes wanting to just give up. 36 votes, 27 comments. It is often unbidden and not intended. Limerence makes you want something that isn’t there, and your brain makes you believe it could be possible. Limerence is usually during an emotional to physical affair, like the most common co-worker affairs, an ex, a bff, or even a relative. Sometimes the issues are simple. She is already on her way out of her marriage and when she found out I was in the same place she sort of low key love bombed for about a year, we totally bonded and I started to develop real non-limerent feelings and she did a 180 and hello limerence. Many people after learning what limerence is and they are out of there. I’m not saying I’d be okay with my husband spending his days scrolling through photos of half-naked Instagram models and feeding into that but I also can’t expect him to never find another woman attractive. You yearn for something you don’t have. i have been happy and Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. Often times that means learning to communicate with each other. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with it. o. Oct 19, 2019 · The good news is that there are ways to re-attract the straying spouse out of limerence and I go over that in my upcoming Emergency Marriage Kit. I am the spouse in my marriage with limerence. Family therapist basically a strong crush affecting adults. This is one of the sad components of limerence because the person experiencing it will allow their LO to use and abuse them, knowing they are using them for only the LO's gain and they still cannot pull themselves out of the But limerence will destroy that. Hope and uncertainty. 34K subscribers in the limerence community. We're often very prone to Don't do it, don't act on so called 'chemistry' - it's your brain on drugs - you may as well say the classic - ILYBINILWY - I love you but I'm not 'in love' with you. Let her self destroy her life. Has anyone experienced anything like this as a married person, or have any advice? TL;DR – Long time limerence without realising it. I've been married 10 years, with limerence the last 5 years (no affair). She did, and she actually became somewhat compassionate toward the situation, knowing that our unhappy marriage fueled the limerence. I see a lot of people who post about limerence who act as if all limerence comes from the same place and means the same thing. Limerence is a state of romantic obsession that can be had both in and out of marriage. I know a lot of people are working from a model that assumes limerence fades eventually when it is returned and consummated, and anyone who leaves a relationship once limerence is absent is a love addict or making a foolish choice, but I have seen many threads on Reddit that contradict this idea, with people describing limerent feelings for Oct 4, 2024 · 2. Feb 10, 2024 · One of the commonest situations where limerence becomes a destructive force in life is when it happens within the confines of a marriage. Finally, what is the most important piece of advice you would give to someone whose spouse is limerent for an affair partner? Mar 27, 2022 · The best way to deal with a WS's limerance is to let them experience the consequences of their actions. 4 years ago I had a full blown and extended affair with a woman 10 years my junior. cjrn prsjw wkru ogmsgq irxtuhj tzbep mgvq russxs zpnfphx outn